Aside

The Spirit Of Resentment-part 2 

Good Morning,

Last night while waiting on sleep to arrive, I pondered what more can be said about the spirit of resentment. I really felt like I did not go deep enough with last night’s piece.  So I will expound a bit more on this spirit.  I do apologize for holding back the actions needed to break the cycle that the spirit of resentment often creates for the host. A similar reliving of the same event, sort of like “Groundhog Day” or Deja vu”.

I enjoy sharing a bit of myself or my experiences in the pieces that I share with you and this is no different. I have a friend, He is very close to me. I would see him almost everyday. Then one day, he began acting differently. Someone had attempted to cheat him out of some money. He continued to go on and on about it. Weeks passed and he was still talking about the incident as if it had just happened. This however is just the beginning, later he changes his living arrangements.  He continues to say “He just wants to be happy”. However, he has now become some sort of angry bitter person.  Everything that happens is seemingly done on purpose to hurt him or to disrespect him. There are others that live in the place where he moved to and the others share the duties. No one has as much time in the house as he has since he is self employed. However he feels like it is disrespectful for him to do more of the small chores than the others even though they work outside of the home. He continues to yell and have loud angry out burst often.  These actions are robbing him of the “Happiness” he longs for and causing the others to feel very uncomfortable in their living quarters. I attempt to offer advise but nothing seems to help. I am at a lost until the other morning when God spoke the word “Resentment”. My research began and I was amazed at how similar the actions and statements were to my friend. Have you discovered a similarity to yourself, your family or your friends? This spirit does seem to be drawn to those who are already battling an addiction but there is no evidence that it only attaches itself to those who are addicts or who are recovering.

Here is a brief exert from a therapist named Mark Sichel. His thoughts on this spirit are quite interesting. I hope you enjoy the read.

Living With Resentment Is Like Taking Poison and Hoping the Other Guy Will Get Sick

Clinging to resentments poisons your mind, body and soul.
Published on March 3, 2011 by Mark Sichel, L.C.S.W. in The Therapist Is In
 

Resentment refers to the mental process of repetitively replaying a feeling, and the events leading up to it, that goad or anger us. We don’t replay a cool litany of “facts” in resentment; we re-experience and relive them in ways that affect us emotionally, physiologically and spiritually in very destructive ways. The inability to overcome resentment probably constitutes the single most devastating impediment to repairing a disintegrating intimate connection, family rift, or severed friendship.

 Although resentments may be provoked by recent, specific angry conflicts between two people, they usually encapsulate an enmity that goes much further back. Your parent, child, sibling or partner may accuse you of a recent snub or slight but the venom is more than likely fueled by years of other imagined or real episodes of disrespect or disregard. For example, your spouse may become enraged by a broken promise or breach of attentiveness, but if they can’t let go of it, it’s probably ignited by a long history of neglect, exasperation, and frustration. Your parent or sibling may accuse you of forgetting an important event like their birthday, but again, the most recent accusation is just the trigger for provoking these feelings. The strong reaction of resentment almost never appears to be warranted by what sets it off. It’s always the product of a long history of backed-up unhappiness. What causes the unhappiness that underlies resentment?

• What we feel people did to us that was unnecessarily mean, hurtful, and thoughtless

.• What people in our lives did not do for us that we feel they should have done. 

• When we feel the people in our lives have not done enough for us.

Resentments embody a basic choice to refuse to forgive, an unwillingness to let bygones be bygones and bury the hatchet. We review and rehash our painful past, even as we profess to want to let go of it. We do so because we believe the illusion that by belaboring our resentment, we will somehow achieve the justice we believe we are due. We cling to a futile need to be “right,” which overrides the capacity to heal and be at peace with ourselves. We hang on to perceived offences because we don’t know any other way of coming to grips with painful feelings of hurt, rejection, and abandonment. We need to learn to let go of resentment, because living with it can only bring us chronic punishment and pain, and prevent us from building up other relationships based on love, nurture, and support. Letting go of a resentment is not a gift to the person you resent. It is, rather, a gift to yourself.

Clinging to your angry, and hurt, feelings about someone to whom you once felt close will only hinder your capacity to move on in your life and learn to deal with the wounds. Letting go of your resentments, whether it leads to healing the rift, or wholeness and peace within yourself, or both, is thus integral to not letting your past interfere with your present. Some time ago I read something about resentment and it appears to have been written anonymously. It’s very worthwhile and useful reading.

“The moment you start to resent a person, you become his slave. He controls your dreams, absorbs your digestion, robs you of your peace of mind and goodwill, and takes away the pleasure of your work. He ruins your religion and nullifies your prayers. You cannot take a vacation without his going along. He destroys your freedom of mind and hounds you wherever you go. There is no way to escape the person you resent. He is with you when you are awake. He invades your privacy when yousleep. He is close beside you when you drive your car and when you are on the job. You can never have efficiency or happiness. He influences even the tone of your voice. He requires you to take medicine for indigestion, headaches, and loss of energy. He even steals your last moment of consciousness before you go to sleep. So-if you want to be a slave-harbor your resentments!”

Poisoned Mind, Poisoned Body
Let’s take a look again at that quote: “Living with resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other guy to get sick.” This makes vivid one of the most crippling aspects of resentment – one you may be experiencing right now. If you’re thinking about ways to get even and prove to another person that you’re right and they’re wrong, you need to remember that the person who is the focus of your animosity may be feeling just fine, enjoying life, and perhaps not at all troubled by any of the interactions that are renting space in your brain. Ultimately, resentment hurts you far more than the person toward whom you bear a grudge.

Fortunately, there are ways to get out of resentment’s crippling grip. There are alternative, more life affirming and healthy responses that will help you achieve freedom from obsessing about past injustices. There are choices that you may not realize are available to you. How can you learn to get out from under these toxic feelings? Take the following suggestions to heart and you’ll already be on your way.

The Spirit Of Resentment-part 2

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4 comments on “The Spirit Of Resentment-part 2

  1. Pingback: Letting Go for your Life | Jonathan Hilton

  2. Pingback: Resentment? « Cattāri Brahmavihārā

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